Home is all I ever knew you were…

Home is the first track on the Love Lane EP. It features Efe Oraka and it is a duet about two estranged lovers who have a conversation about where they’re headed. Together or apart. I love taking you into my head, so here’s a short story to help you dive deeper into the song. Before you read, you should listen to Home.

***

The last time Kene had spoken to Emi, they had both been in tears. The breakup had snuck up on them. Towards the end, they would spend many nights quiet in bed staring at the ceiling after a tense argument. Texts during the day were measured and overly punctuated. They saw the end, but it hit them on a day that was uncharacteristically bright. They’d shared a few laughs, they’d made plans to see a movie and have dinner right after.

But at this point, they were both like gunpowder. It didn’t matter where the spark came from. It didn’t matter what was actually said. But things were said and then things went left. He packed what he could that night and was out in a huff. He would come back to get the rest of his things a few days later but she would not be home.

That was 6 months ago.

Today he’s meeting her at a park near her apartment. It’s early evening when she gets there. They hug, sit on a bench and face each other. His eyes take in her face, her nose takes in his new smell. This is why he texted. He missed her. He missed looking at her.

“It took me too long to tell you I love you”

It comes after a long silence. It feels like he’s been prompted. That one line speaks of his regret. Of the things he didn’t say, should have done, might have missed. You know the speech. He takes a swig from a flask in his hand and winces. The air smells like gin for a moment.

“The liquor’s too strong

And sometimes I feel bad for my liver,

But that’s beside the point

Seems I always miss the point”

There was a time when the last line would have made her laugh. Him, chastising himself for the same thing she always teased him about. He had a penchant for going off on tangents. But her lips only curl a bit. She doesn’t laugh. He carries on.

“Piece by piece

I am falling apart

Save me from myself”

Emi’s eyes widened as if to say ‘That’s not my job, Kene’. And he nods and closes his eyes briefly. He knows. He’s just trying to say the words as they form in his head. She relaxes, sips her coffee and stares at him.

“Hopeless Hoping

I’m calling again

Oh darling can’t you tell

That home is all I ever knew you were

And home’s the only place I know to run

And I’m still hoping that you hear me now

There’s nothing here for me outside your arms

I wanna come home”

He waxes poetic. Home is all she ever was to him. But it took him too long to realise. He sees it now. He needs her now.

Emi remains quiet for the entirety of his speech and a few moments after.

“Home Home Home” there’s a voice repeating that word in her head. She isn’t sure why his use of it upsets her, but it does. She looks away from him when she speaks.

“Tripping over conversations

Same road different destinations

But I hoped that you’d meet me halfway still”

It wasn’t enough that she was home for him, he needed to have been home for her — and he wasn’t. Not in those last few months. Kene starts to respond but the words don’t leave his throat. Sometimes words have decorum, they read the room. It was not time to respond.

“Left my love out on the pavement

I hoped that you’d see it, baby

I hoped that you’d feel the way I feel”

She smiles when she calls him baby. It was something she had taken to calling him when they were still friends. Before they became more. All that feels so long ago now.

She’s looking away from him still. Something no one tells you is that you don’t notice love fizzling out immediately. Not until it starts to make noise. And like a tyre with a leak, when you start to hear noise, you’re already in trouble. This was their case. When it became her job to fix everything, to bring up sensitive issues, to fight for the relationship. Noise.

“But you always miss the point

And I have reached my limit

There’s no hope for us

If we are out of place

And it took you way too long

Sadly this is finished

And the liquor’s way too strong

For me to chase”

He hears her say “Sadly this is finished,” but his brain refuses to accept it. They were talking again, out on a perfect evening. This was supposed to work. He was better. In the way that she looks at him and responds, he knows that she knows. But somehow, he can also tell that it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Home is all you ever knew me as

Now home is not a place that you can run

And you’re still hoping that I hear you out”

He reaches out to touch her hand. Maybe it would remind her. Maybe she would stay.

She holds his hand in hers.

“There’s nothing left for me inside your arms

You should go home.”

She lets go of his hand. The sky is darker now. The lights of the park give their faces a golden glow as they say a wordless goodbye. Another hug, another look and she disappears into the darkness.

***

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