“I’ll love you still and I don’t know why” — Did I Ever Tell You (Vol. 5)

*“Did I Ever Tell You” is a column in my monthly newsletter where I talk about the songs I’ve written. This was first published in the May edition. Subscribe here to get it delivered straight to your inbox every month.

If you will listen closely, I will tell you the story of Ifunanyam.

There’s one thing you need to know first; people leave. Sometimes they leave because they want to, and sometimes it’s because they have to.

When we meet our protagonist, we don’t know why his lover has left. All we know is that she is not there.

I wrote the first verse of Ifunanyam on the 8th of April, 2018. The reason I remember the date is not because my memory is great — it’s actually quite bad. I remember because I recently stumbled on a screenshot I had on my phone from the day I had written the verse.

A lot of the story is told in the first verse and chorus.

This is how it starts. He is alone. In the way that he speaks, you don’t think that someone is there listening to him bare his soul in this way. He must be talking to himself. He says:

I’ve been caught in a lie once before
I said I wouldn’t cry if you closed the door
But the tears they come and they’re fast as hell
See you broke my heart but I wish you well.

In four lines he has admitted to lying, to crying and to a broken heart. But he wishes her well. He says this and we are inclined to believe him. (Fun fact: “But the tears they come” was originally written as “But the sadness comes”)

He starts to dream in the second part of the first verse.

And the day will come when we meet again
And with open arms, you’ll invite me in
I’ll remember all the hurt when you said goodbye
But I’ll love you still and I don’t know why

He is speaking of the future now. With some hope even.

Someone asked me why I was smiling in the recording of my performance. And it is because of that last line. Our protagonist has told her that she broke his heart and that it hurt when she left. But he’s also said that he loves her still — he always will — and he’s not sure why. Those are the words of a man who has no option but to smile, he does that or he cries and he’s tired of crying.

Ifunanyam means “my love” in Igbo. It is the title of the song because it is the reason for the song. This man is in love with a woman and he calls her his love. She’s left him and hurt him but he sits waiting for her return and he tells her that much in the chorus

And I’ll call you Ifunanyam
And I’ll forget the things you’ve done
But until the day that I will die
I want to always call you mine
Ifunanyam o

I initially tried to decide what this song was; a sad song or a love song. But with every day that I meet people who love this song or felt things when they heard it, I find that it is very easily both. Nothing about love says that it has to be happy. Love can be sad, happy, angry, lonely. And there should be songs for all the ways that love can be.

I’m just glad I told you this particular story.

Please keep streaming Ifunanyam and tell all your friends about it.