“Just in case I don’t return” — Did I Ever Tell You (Vol. 3)
*“Did I Ever Tell You” is a column in my monthly newsletter where I talk about the story behind the songs I’ve written. This was first published in the March edition. Subscribe here to get it delivered straight to your inbox every month.
“Just in case I don’t return.”
The day I wrote Braveheart, I was sitting in traffic. I worked as a tech consultant at the time and I was on my way to work. Most of the traffic on my route happened on the Third Mainland Bridge so naturally, this was when I got a little bit of free time.
Songs come to me in different ways but most times they start with a sentence or just a word — that’s why I ask people to give me words to freestyle to at my live shows.
For Braveheart, the first two lines came the night before.
Just in case I don’t return
Sing a song for me
I didn’t know what to do with the lines yet. I just sang them over and over till I slept. By the time I was in standstill traffic the next day, the words came back again and this time I asked myself what story those first lines told. Answering that helped me build the song’s world.
The words told a story of fear.
You are standing at the doorway and you are telling your loved ones what to do if you never came back. You are doing it with a stoic face, showing no emotion. You give them instructions on what the song should sound like:
Make the lyrics sweet
And sing a soft melody
In the next part of the verse, you are less vague; you make it clear that you are very likely going to die in whatever place you are now headed.
If my soul gets lost at sea
Say a prayer for me
Raise your hands to heaven
And pray they let me in
The chorus is where the magic of the song happens. Where you say what you truly mean. Maybe you cry when you say them, maybe you don’t. But you say them:
If I told you I’m not scared
Oh I lied, oh I lied
If I said my heart was steel
It’s all lies, all lies
‘Cos the cost of being brave
Is far too much for me
If I told you I’m not scared
Oh I lied, oh I lied
Finally. Release.
I turned on my voice recorder and started drumming on my steering wheel to keep me on tempo. A few days later I would play the voice note for my bandmates Ruka and Lamide.
Fun fact: the word ‘steel’ in the chorus was originally ‘still’.
I chose Braveheart for the title because I like playing with irony in my music (case in point, my very sad song called Happy Song). When it came time to re-release it on Ignis Brothers’ album, we featured the amazing poet Logan February and renamed it “I Lied”.
I think we’re all scared sometimes.
I think there’s some strength in admitting that. It may not get you through your fear or save the day but you tell yourself the truth. And that’s something.
So on those days when being brave is a little too much, sing this song for me.
Listen to the Ignis Brothers album The Cost Of Our Lives
